Pendulum
by Flight
Summary: Really sad...but hopeful. Not too long, and I would really appreciate some good old fashioned C&C...


There was nothing left to be said. He was gone.   
Duo never shed a tear. He had died the way he had always wanted, at least; a warriors death. A true battle, a vicious fight. He had gone down in flames with all the glory he deserved. But was it truly what he deserved? Duo couldn't get that out of his head. For days he had simply gone about life as he had before; simple errands- retrieving food, cooking, eating, trips to the library, longer hours spent there huddled alone. That was one of Heero's favorite places. It was quite: like him. Somehow, being in a place that had made Heero happy made Duo happy. There was no real explanation for it. Weeks passed and the loss had not yet registered with Duo. He had attended the service; simple, with all of his comrades attending. Not one could truly call himself a friend, for none had ever had the chance to talk to Heero, to discover his hidden passions and desires. What made Heero tick? Whatever it was, it went to the grave with him. Duo didn't think about it. He missed Heero's part in the rituals; nagging him about certain groceries, reminding him that he was late and needed to get going. Duo never missed a minute anymore. It just didn't seem right to him to be late. He had not even noticed the change. He was not sad, but neither was he happy. His perspective remained the same, but it was altered. Less clear, as if looking through translucent glass.  
Missions came and went. Certain rituals had changed. He bore the weight of the battles. Quatre felt that it had somehow been his fault. Wufei would not accept it, or on certain streaks he would say that Heero was destined to die at that time and it was all part of the greater plan, the bigger picture. Trowa had, if possible, closed himself off even more. His frankness grew into cruelty, and although his fighting skills benefited by the change, no one else seemed to appreciate it. After attending the funeral, Duo had begun attending church again. If one paid rapt attention, as few often do, one would see him each day coming to say an early prayer, and ending each day in the same manner. It is said that Sir Isaac Newton discovered the nuances of a pendulum while sitting in church and studying the swinging chandeliers. The same could be said for Duo. Although he listened to each sermon as though his life depended upon it, and followed the advice with alacrity, his mind took the time to sort out other things in the back of his head. Seemingly random memories began to coagulate, come together and form vast mental images that seemed to be a study of his relationship with the first Gundam Pilot.  
It was a rainy Friday when Duo shed the first tear. He was kneeling alone at the front of the church, the archaic candles casting soft beams of light upon him. It began at the outside corner of his right eye, traced the outside of his gout cheekbone, and fell to the thin, red-carpeted stair. His head barely moved as he looked down at the spot, growing darker as the liquid was absorbed. He brought his hands to his face simultaneously, a swift action as he began to clutch his forehead in exasperation. Slowly, he fell forward into a fetal position upon the three stairs. The tears came softly at first, then stronger as he began to sob with all of his heart. How could he have let such a time pass, a time that was now more valuable to him than all the riches in the universe?  
A light glance Heero cast upon Duo as they worked together on the new balance mechanism for Wing Gundam. A soft touch as a wrench passed between their hands. A laugh they shared over the grievance of a new mechanic in the hangar as he tripped over his toolbox, dumping the stack of paperwork in his hands amongst the multitude of screwdrivers, hammers, nuts, and bolts. A shared smile as they rose and marched in time together as they exited the hangar. The best conversation they had ever had; sitting silently over a couple of cokes. They had spent so much time together and yet never truly enjoyed each others company. They had never realized that they would.   
The accumulated losses tore at Duo in a manner than no person, no living being should ever have to suffer. All the times he should have said something. All the times he should have tried to learn more. All the times...gone. The tears dried and Duo found the strength to sit up. For many hours he sat upon the stairs outside the church, chin on hands as he watched the passersby. There were not many at this time of night on a rainy Friday, but it did not matter. Had one looked up and smiled at Duo, he would scarcely have had the power to look away, let alone return the gesture. It was midnight before he returned home.  
Eventually the shock of his realizations wore away, leaving only a softened understanding and appreciation for his comrade in arms. Life went on as it had before, but Duo began to smile at the people on the street. Maybe the person who had always held his heart in callused hands was gone. But maybe he could accept that. He didn't have to move on, just learn to live with what he had. Every once and a while, one of those precious memories would return to him, and a smile as broad as the horizon would cross Duo's face. He had completed the period of the pendulum, and although in an altered radius of orbit, he would continue to revolve.  



End file.
